I want to start this blog post by saying that I am a positive person with an upbeat personality who always believed in the goodness of people. Until I learned more about manipulation. I wasn’t aware of intentional manipulation for years, and because I have a kind and empathetic nature, I was the ideal type of victim for manipulators. I am really surprised that I haven’t suffered more by that, to be honest. I need to put it out to you bluntly: there are bad people in this world. People who want to use you and control you for their own benefit, and they wouldn’t bat an eye lying, deceiving and twisting the reality so that they can do so.

While many people don’t realize they are manipulators, there are also people who have deliberate bad intentions. Manipulators choose their victims carefully and go for the ones who are empathetic, kind and generous; people who may be lonely, vulnerable or immature, naive, or people with low self-esteem. Sadly, sometimes people within our family can be manipulators too (parents, grandparents or other family members).
At one time or another, we all have used our influence to achieve a personal desire — it is basic human nature. There is a fine line between persuasion and manipulation. Manipulators seek personal gain, such as money, favors, gifts or power. They may also seek superiority, control and validation. The reasons can be many more.
Recognizing when someone is trying to manipulate you can be challenging, as manipulators often use many different tactics to achieve the control they desire so badly. In this blog, we'll share tips on how to spot the early signs that someone might be a manipulator. The faster we know someone is a manipulator, the faster we can stop future harm to our emotional health and overall well-being.
Red Flag 1 - They are too good to be true.
Manipulators are charming and wonderful when you first meet them. They are attentive, helpful, and polite. They will praise you and promise you the world. If someone is buttering you up a bit too much, chances are they have a hidden agenda. Beware!
Manipulators will closely listen to you telling them details about your life, family, failures and successes, goals and dreams. They will try to find what really matters to you, so they can manipulate the heck out of it afterwards. Soon enough, they’ll know of all your secrets, dreams and aspirations. Then they will use all they know about you to manipulate you.
Some manipulators may share sensitive personal information to create a false sense of intimacy, making it easier to manipulate others emotionally.
Red Flag 2 - Everything happens too fast,
and everything is too perfect to be true! You are showered with attention, even gifts, and without even realizing it, you are hooked. After that, the lies and manipulation starts. Manipulators aim to lower their victim's guard fast, making them less suspicious of their bad intentions. Victims may feel that the manipulator is genuine and has their best interests at heart. Rapid integration allows the manipulator to create a sense of dependency in their victim. When a person becomes emotionally attached or reliant on the manipulator early on, they may be less likely to question or resist the manipulation later.
Red Flag 3 - They ask very personal questions,
which may seem inappropriate given your relationship with this person and how long you've known them. Manipulators use the information they gather in these areas to exploit vulnerabilities, and exert control. It's important to be cautious when sharing personal or financial information and to be aware of the motivations behind the questions being asked.
Examples:
“Tell me about your family. Do you get along with your parents?"
"Have you ever had a difficult breakup?"
"Have you ever been cheated on?"
"Is there something from your past that still bothers you?"
"Do you ever feel depressed or lonely?"
"How much do you earn at your job?"
"Do you have any investments or side income?"
Red Flag 4 - They like to play the role of a victim.
They would complain that people are mean to them without a reason, or that life isn’t fair. Nothing is ever their fault. They like to evoke sympathy, and for you to take pity on them. They are needy creatures, and their needs always come before yours. You will become “responsible” for their well-being, and they will be expecting you to do everything they tell you to, as to keep them happy. Your empathy, humility and kindness kick in and you will want to help them and please them.
Red Flag 5 - Mirroring
Manipulators may mirror the interests, values, or experiences of their targets. By appearing similar in some ways, they can establish rapport and trust before attempting to manipulate or exploit the other person.
Examples:
Shared Interests: if they know you are a fan of a particular band, they might suddenly become a fan as well, despite having no prior interest in the music.
Values and Beliefs: if you are passionate about environmental conservation, the manipulator may pretend to be an avid environmentalist, even if they don't genuinely care about the cause.
Body Language: Manipulative mirroring can extend to body language, such as mirroring your posture, gestures, or facial expressions to establish rapport and trust.
Preferences: Manipulators may claim to have the same preferences as you in areas like food, movies, or travel destinations. They might say, "I love sushi too!" even if they typically dislike it.
Red Flag 6 - They undermine your problems
When you tell them your problems and ask for support, they inflate and list their problems. They might even make empty promises to help you with the issue but fail to follow through. Manipulators may put on a facade of concern, appearing empathetic on the surface but failing to take meaningful action. And eventually the conversation always turns back to their problems.
Examples:
“I'm sure it's not that bad; everyone has their quirks."
"I'm here for you, but you know I can't do anything to help"
"You are overreacting. You are being too dramatic."
Red Flag 7 - They love talking about themselves.
How intelligent and smart they are. They have an exaggerated sense of self-importance and a strong desire for admiration and attention. They may dominate conversations with stories, achievements, or personal experiences to feed their ego and maintain a sense of superiority.
If you want to find out if someone is a manipulative person, start talking about yourself and monitor how long that person will allow you to do this, and if they are paying attention to what you are saying. The faster you get shut down, the more manipulative the person is.

Manipulators are often intelligent, and they're good at using subtle aggression to get what they want. They're also highly skilled at deception, which can make it difficult to spot their behavior in the first place. Knowing the above telltale signs and your gut feeling will help you recognize manipulative people faster. If your gut tells you this person cannot be trusted, it is most likely the truth. Remember: intentional manipulators are relentless and have no pity for you. Manipulative behavior can be harmful and destructive, leading to emotional, psychological, or even physical harm for the victims.
Healthy and supportive conversations involve empathy, active listening, problem-solving, and mutual respect. If you encounter manipulative behavior, consider seeking advice from trusted friends or a therapist, as well as setting boundaries to protect your well-being.
Do you know of any other red flags on how to spot a manipulator early on?